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If you have Erectile dysfunction (ED), your sex life will probably be different than it was before. This may be frustrating or frustrating for you and your partner. But if you are open-minded, you can find new and exciting ways to possess it familiarity together.
People often have an idea of what is being used socially in the media: this sex means an erection, there is penetration of intercourse, and it ends Orgasm. Thamika Harris-Jackson, PhD, certified sex educator in Winter Park, Florida, says gender is much broader than that.
Start with the scan
Erectile dysfunction means that you cannot get an erection some of the time or all of the time, or long enough for penetrative sex. But you can still reach orgasm and ejaculate without an erection.
First, talk to your doctor. They need to find out the cause of your erectile dysfunction. Health problems such as Heart disease And the Type 2 diabetes That could be the reason. So it can be ascertained Psychological health Conditions, such as Anxiety And the depression. Some medicines are including Blood pressure medications And the AntidepressantsIt can also lead to ED.
Once a health condition has been ruled out, you and your partner can start exploring what your new sex life will look like.
Pay attention to each other’s feelings
Madeline Esposito Smith, a certified sex therapist and mental health practitioner at the University of Wisconsin Health in Madison, says that knowing the cause of your erectile dysfunction can alleviate any fears your partner may be feeling. “One of the first things I recommend to the men I work with is to simply communicate with their partners that this is nothing personal. This is not something they do wrong.”
Eric Garrison agrees. He is the Chair of the Accreditation Arm of the American Society of Sexual Educators and a Certified Sexual Counselor in Tidewater, Virginia. “When you become an expert in your sexual health and sexual pleasure, and you can share that with others, it really helps with the conversation,” he says.
An open conversation with your partner can be wonderful for your relationship. But it can also make you feel uncomfortable and vulnerable, says Kristen Leela, a certified sexual therapist and clinical social worker in Omaha, Nebraska. You say it is important for your partner not to judge you. If they only want to have erectile sex, both of you may benefit from working with a sex therapist who can help you broaden your horizons.
Find out what you like, too
Talk to each other about what excites and pleases you, even if you’ve been together for years.
If you still get an erection sometimes, tell your partner how he feels good when you have them – and what good feels when it doesn’t, Garrison says. You can easily say: “When I have an erection, I like this, this, and this. For times when an erection is not occurring, I like to lick my ear, rub my elbows, and massage my left toe … ”
The intimate building exercise called Sensory Focus can help you and your partner get a better idea of where and how you like being touched. In therapy sessions, a couple tried the exercise in their entire clothes, touching each other from the neck up. “It’s a really intimate experience, but it doesn’t necessarily focus on sex, and for some people it’s relaxing and connected.”
You and your partner can practice sensory focus with a therapist who directs you, or you can try it at home, says Harris Jackson. “The goal is to learn to explore each other’s bodies. Take time foreplay, kissing, and expressing to each other how it feels without penetration, without oral sex, so there is no pressure for anyone to get erect.”
Refine your foreplay skills
Start simply if you prefer: Revive intimacy by holding hands, kissing, or cuddling naked.
Or perhaps you and your partner are ready for more adventurous options, such as cross-fertilization, oral sex MasturbationOr, sex toys.
If you want to explore sex toys (like a vibrator or dildo) but are uncomfortable about going to a store that sells them, surf the internet with your partner, says Lilla. It is important to shop together, she says, “rather than feeling like it is someone’s job or someone is putting that expectation on the other.”
If your partner wants to try a sex game and you haven’t, then suggest an alternative, she says. You could say something like, “Well, I don’t feel comfortable using a sex toy, but maybe we can try cuddling naked or maybe we can shower together.”
Sex without an erection
It is possible. “Sometimes people refer to it as the” filling method, “in which a flabby penis is placed inside, Lila says.” It is probably easier with the vaginal canal than with the anus. “
Try not to think about how sex was feeling, and make sure it was comfortable for both partners, says Harris Jackson.
Maintain a practical and positive mindset
Explore satisfying each other in new ways. It helps “remove that goal-directed or goal-driven idea that we” should have penetrative sex that leads to orgasm, “says Harris Jackson.
Instead, focus on how the scale brings the fun, rather than the performance, says Esposito Smith.
Or as Garrison puts it: “How do we improve sex rather than how do we make it great? … I think if more people could understand that in their minds, sex would be much more enjoyable for everyone, whether you had an erection or not.”
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