Breakups can be a challenge. It can be difficult to get out of a relationship or move on after a divorce. You may feel rejected, angry, hurt, or out of control. However, there is light at the end of the tunnel. You can use different strategies to deal with these challenging emotions.
13 Ways to Heal After Your Divorce
Your healing journey may not be linear and your discomfort may not go away right away. As with any loss, there will be many phases and periods of adjustment. It’s important to stay active and embrace the journey. It is critical to understand some of the feelings and stages that can occur.
Here are a few tips that can help with healing:
Accept how you feel. Letting yourself feel all your feelings will help you recover in the long run. Even though it may feel uncomfortable to bring up negative emotions, the healing process cannot begin without your feelings surfacing.
Talk about it. Talking about your divorce with a trained professional can help you on your journey. They can also give you practical advice about the logistics of your divorce. By sharing the burden of logistics, you can focus on grieving the end of your marriage.
Develop healthy coping strategies. The ability to regulate your extreme emotions is an invaluable skill, especially when you’re not feeling your best. Try to embrace positive, loving ways of taking care of yourself.
Learn to be the best co-parent you can be. If you and your ex-spouse have children, you will now need to figure out how to raise your children in these new circumstances. This will be a lifelong situation so it is essential to be mindful of the children.
Don’t get stuck. Ask for help if you find yourself lost in depression, anxiety, or resentment. Suffering yourself can be harmful and lead you down a negative path.
Beware of despair. You may reach a stage where you feel desperate to reconcile with your ex-husband. Depending on your situation, this may not be the best for you, your spouse, or your family.
Avoid a hard rebound. Fear of not being loved or of never finding love again can push you to find a new relationship. Resist this temptation and stay grounded in your healing journey so that you can build relationships based on love, not fear.
Make use of all the resources available to you. Books, online resources, church programs, or a support group for like-minded people can be excellent resources for you. Be sure to research and vet the groups, books, or other resources you’re considering.
Know that there is always hope. The journey to recover from your divorce can be challenging. But always remember that you are moving forward and that healing is possible.
Don’t be fooled. This is a time when you may not function at your best. You may not be as productive at work or as present as a friend. No one is immune to these things. Give yourself time to regroup and heal.
Take care of yourself. Give yourself the gift of healthy nutrition and encouraging physical activity. Stick to the routine as much as possible. Try not to make important life decisions. Avoid heavy use of drugs and alcohol.
Interrupt any negative patterns between you and your partner. If your discussions start to turn into fights, take out. Hang up the phone or leave the room.
Connect with your passions. Take the time to reconnect with your interests. Perhaps this is like taking a painting class or joining a softball team. Whatever it is, focus on enjoying life.
How to Talk to Your Kids About Divorce
If you have children, it can be difficult to talk to them about the divorce. There are many different ways to talk to your children and help them transition into the new reality of your family. Some of these strategies may include:
- Give them space. Reassure your children. Listen to their concerns and feelings. Lovingly tell them the unadulterated truth about everything they need to know.
- Provide stability. During this transitional phase of your family’s life, maintain your children’s routines and daily lives. Giving them stability and familiarity can be very grounding for them.
- Be stable and consistent. Because your children may divide their time between two homes, talk to your ex-spouse beforehand about things like household rules, discipline, and family values.
- Let your kids lean on you. Do your best to let your children know that you are trustworthy, reliable and consistent so that they confide in you. However, try not to be too transparent about your feelings about the divorce.
- Separate your children from the divorce. Keep the processing you do with your ex-spouse or yourself private. Do not argue with your ex-husband and do not use your children as messengers or spies.