Paulina Porizkova exposes everything.
On Thursday, the model sat down to StyleLikeU’s “Defying Ageism” video series, where she tearfully discussed the dissolution of her marriage to Ric Ocasek while stripping down to her lingerie.
The cars frontman died in 2019 of heart disease exacerbated by emphysema. They shared two sons.
Porizkova announced the couple’s separation the year before.
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“We had been together all my life since I was 19, and suddenly he didn’t seem to find me attractive anymore,” the 56-year-old told the newspaper. “I started to feel like I was a coffee table, something you put on and bump into in the middle of the night, but am no more aware of anything other than that.”
“It made me feel worthless as a woman,” the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit star admitted. “I thought I would stay with this man for the rest of my life.”
Porizkova said she was not heard by the rocker.
“I realized I wanted my partner, my husband, to listen to me so he could see that I was no longer just the hot model he married,” she explained. “There were other things about me that I thought were valuable – pretty much anything other than my appearance. I had thought I was boring for 30 years because my husband made me feel boring. Because when I wanted to talk “he just yawned and looked around and fired me completely. I kind of went on like that for a while until I could no longer stand it.”
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“I started changing the rules of what our marriage should be, and then he also started changing his rules,” she recalled. “‘Oh, well, if you want to be demanding and a b — h, then, yes, I will not touch you.”
While Porizkova still loved her husband and wanted to make their relationship work, she gave the singer an “ultimatum” and thought it “can take him out of it.”
“I said, ‘You know, I’m really unhappy, and you do not seem to want to work on anything, and so I think maybe we should be heading for separation, maybe divorce,’ ‘he said. she. “He just looked really cold at me and said,” Well, it looks like you’ve decided, so whatever. ” And that was that. I really, really could not believe it … It was the whole fight he wanted to fight for me. “
At that moment, Porizkova realized that there was nothing she could do to save her marriage. That was when she ran off and broke down.
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“I loved my husband for 35 years,” she said. “The last three of them we were separated. We were there for each other in the kind of physical ways we had become accustomed to. It was just no longer marriage.”
It was Porizkova who found Ocasek dead in their shared townhouse in Manhattan. When she was overwhelmed with grief, Porizkova learned the following day that he had cut her out of his will.
Porizkova said she struggled with depression, anxiety and anger, and spent most of her days crying as she went through menopause.
“For me, my menopause is linked to the grief of my husband,” she said. “… I felt like someone was just peeling my skin off. Like this process of grief and heartache and betrayal, it removed me from my Paulina skin, the one I used to know, the one that used to protect me. I do. have nothing to protect me anymore. “
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Porizkova described how one day, while crying in bed, she began filming herself. She shared the video on Instagram in hopes that it would help someone else who is grieving not feel so alone.
“Well, I’m either an idiot or very brave to post the crying video on Instagram,” she remarked.
According to Porizkova, she was eating out with friends when a young woman stopped her on her way to the bathroom. She recognized the star as “the crying lady on Instagram” and thanked her for “being real.” Porizkova said she “has never been heard as well as at that moment.”
Today, Porizkova said she is still in progress but is hopeful about what the future brings for her.
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“As much as I embrace this body, and as much as I am proud of who I am, I am crushed too,” she said. “And I gather myself. So it’s not the best place to be yet. It will be, though. It’s going to be pretty wildly amazing.”
The Associated Press contributed to this report.